Monday, December 21, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Ladies and Gentlemen I have some very exciting news for you all.

Today, December 21st 2009, was the final day of my daily commutes from Hillsboro.

Please, let's take a moment of silence and remember the good 'ole days and all the wonderful things Hillsboro had to offer. Like the Rice NW Museum of Rocks & Minerals or large number of retired peoples.

But good riddance, I say. No longer will I come to work angry about the aggressively passive aggressive drivers of Hillsboro and Beaverton commuters. Goodbye to the suburban lifestyle, hello city lifestyle. More specifically hello Oregon Theater- my new neighbor. I can't wait to get to know you.

Now all I need is some flannel and a cigarette...

Friday, December 18, 2009

Fabian Fridays (Part Tres)

Well here we are again friends, another edition of the glorious Fabian chronicles. This is the third out of a projected four posts covering my interview with the man, the myth and the legend. So without further adieu, here it is.

What is your favorite place in Portland?

I really like the bridges and the riverfront, particularly around the steel bridge. I've found that river city people are always a lot nicer than ocean city people. Think about that old Credence song. People on the river are always happy to give. They're just friendlier. I think it's because rivers bring an interesting mix of people together. On top of that people are always coming and going, and I like that.

Which Transformer is your favorite?

So, my favorite Autobot was Optimus Prime. You know, he’s the cool archetypal hero- strong leader-type but not arrogant. Clearly he’s in power but he doesn’t abuse that power. He's a clear-headed thinker, not like Megatron is. Optimus Prime even had some humanity to him, he wasn’t invincible.

Then, my favorite Decepticon was Sound Wave. He was a dark character, but he was intellectual. From what I remember he had a very dry humor, but I could appreciate it. In fact, he was probably my favorite of all the transformers.

Would you rather: Understand women’s thoughts, or breathe under water?

Fabian: Well, I used to teach scuba diving, so I have breathed under water. It’s a totally different world down there- I loved it. But that's the thing, they've got equipment for taking you underwater. Now, I think understanding women’s thoughts would be considerably more useful. To understand people’s thoughts, fears, aspirations would be exciting. I’d definitely take that.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Fabian Friday!

Editor's Note:

Holy Moly, I've kept you all waiting for far too long. Time for another installment of Fabien Friday's! For taking so long I'm going to give you an extra dose of the interview. And worry not, from this day on I promise to have a little update for you every Friday morning.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mister Z

MUTT: Who is your greatest inspiration?

Fabian: When I was younger it was Alexander the Great. I was motivated by greed and avarice. Lately though, my greatest inspiration is Voltaire. He was a freethinker and highly revered. You have to respect his knowledge and the fact that he speaks his mind. Basically he says what he means and means what he says. I admire individuals who are up front and honest with themselves.

MUTT: If you could punch any one person in the face, dead or alive, who would you punch?

Fabian: Lavrentiy Pavlovich Beria.

MUTT: Wow, you didn't even hesitate there. Why him?

Fabian: He was Stalin's primary henchmen. Stalin killed something like 20 million people and the man who really did it, the muscles, was Berria. He was probably the most feared man of that time period. He did terrible, terrible things. So, I have to say, I'd love to have the opportunity to have punched him as hard as I could right in the nose. If all went well I'd have sent shards of bone into his brain and saved the world a lot of pain.

MUTT: What’s your dream car?

Fabian: I’ve got a couple I really like.

1959 El Dorado convertible, model 62
. They’re all in museums now, or in movies. Honest to god, that was probably one of the most beautiful cars to roll out of Detroit.

Rolls Royce limousines from the 70s and 80s, mostly the 80s. They were subdued elegance. It’s not a loud Lamborghini, pretending to be something cooler than it actually is. It’s for someone who appreciates class and elegance. If I had someone who could drive as well as I do, I’d very much appreciate to ride around in one of those.

MUTT: Would you rather: Speak any language forever, or be able fly for an hour?

Fabian: Speak any language. I can rent an airplane. I can buy an airplane ticket. The ability to speak any language is the ability to traverse culture, customs, etc. That is a force to be reckoned with. A man like that would be well received. You'd be able to mitigate any barriers and come to terms like adults (and make a helluva lot of money).


Thursday, December 10, 2009


It looks like I'll be wearing my contacts a little more often these days....

The black tape is a bit deceiving, my glasses are in fact broken. This morning I may, or may not, have made an off-handed comment to Cromer about his inferior yoga skills and how I would likely destroy him in a pose-off. Naturally, this pushed the man's buttons and he went straight to the studio to start the competition.

Now, I'd like to point out that Cromer's been going to yoga for months, I haven't been since June.

So, tough guy began with an Ustrasana, to which I countered with the ever-popular Dhanurasana. Luker was impressed, he's still in his Simhasana days. Scott, feeling a little played, went for a sequence from Virabhadrasana I into Virabhadrasana II. I continued his play and added a Virabhadrasana III pose. My balance is unparalleled. For his last move Cromer went into a little Ardha Chandrasana. Good stuff. I knew if I wanted to clench the title of Yoga Master here at Mutt I'd have to go big. And that's when I curled up, took my knees to my elbows and whipped out a little Bakasana. And I had it too. I just forgot I was wearing my glasses and I forgot that sometimes you faceplant if you don't have your wits about you. Needless to say, I was a little hasty in my victory celebration and as I cheered I teetered a little and took a six inch dive into the concrete floor. And that's how I broke my glasses this morning.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Our Friends, Moulé

It's that time of year again, the Holiday Season, and our favorite Portland (and Winnipeg and Vancouver) fashion boutique Moulé is in the midst of their 2009 holiday campaign. This year's campaign is called, "Long Live Family" and what a lovely family story the Gorenstein's have to tell. If you hadn't heard, Moulé is family owned and if you pop in to one of the four Moulé locations you'll see some special Gorenstein themed gifts that highlight the aspects of being a part of a large family. Moulé has posted some of the work on their facebook page. We highly recommend you become their friends.

Here's a quick peek to get you in the holiday spirit.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Beauvais. In the Study. With the wrench.

It's been frigid in Portland lately so I'm curled up by one of our four old school radiators. It keeps me nice and toasty. All day though I've been peering to my left and I see this classic gun range poster threatening me.Why does a businessman have a pistol? Why is he so calm when he's pointing it at me? And then Mr. Beauvais came at me with the phone. I was like whoa. Uncanny resemblance. See for yourself.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I Love My Ducks

Today is a big day. My Alma Mater, The University of Oregon, is playing in this little football game tonight at 6 PM at Autzen. Civil War Baby! And not only will this win tonight give us another year of feeling far superior to Oregon State fans, but it will also send us to this year's Rose Bowl. That's some serious stakes being set, winner takes all and today at 2:22 PM, just under four hours until kickoff I am calling an Oregon victory. And if you've been checking ESPN lately you'd see that they agree with me.This makes me feel even better about it. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

National Mutt Day

Do you know what today is? Yes that's right, it is National Mutt Day. We feel honored that the Animal Miracle Network would honor us with our very own day.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

They're Taking Notice


Our Mello Yello win was just announced in Ad Week today.


Very exciting.

But what is this? FAT415 obviously has some sort of beef with our own Mr. Luker, and isn't too supportive of Mutt. Look at this....


i was wondering how on earth they come up with these characters. that smirky little shit from verizon®, or that bizarrely attractive girl,'Flo' from the progressive® insurance ads. well i think i may have just cracked the formula of the Pre girl. take one part smug intellectual and equal part child-like moon-empress from a distant and dying world... insert current handheld communication device and voila.