Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Call Me.

From what my people tell me, every agency in Portland has decided to shut it down for the holidays. But not Mutt. We’re open 24 hours, 365 days a year. And though my two partners are currently sunbathing in Mexico, I’m more than ready to handle your advertising emergency. Need a tagline or a poster or a friend who listens? Fine. Just calm down and call Mutt.

Monday, December 29, 2008

And then along came Melly.

Melanie Myers stopped by last week to check out the new digs. I know, I know…it's a bit late. Sorry, losing weight is a full-time job. Like Mutt, Mel is the proud parent of a new business, called WNTD. We dig the name. Reminds me of Clint Eastwood and 2Pac. Makes me feel kind of nervous. Like if I swing by the office and start running my mouth, Mel or Tricia or Claire might pistol-whip my ass. Anyway, good luck to you lovely ladies. And btw, don’t let your hubbies screw this up.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Scotty Gordito.

On a related topic, I’m fat. About 10-15 pounds fat. Not sure when all that blubber arrived on the scene, but there’s no denying it’s here. Finally had to acknowledge it tonight at yoga. Was in the middle of a downward dog and my midsection exploded like a cherry. I honestly thought I fractured my stomach. And to make matters worse, my chin has doubled in the last week. I’m not too worried about him though. He’s all vodka and whiskey and milk. I’ll pop his ass like a blister. As for the triglyceride glued to my midsection, that shit needs a bailout. I wonder if Obama has any ideas. He’s looking pretty buff these days. Anyways, wish me luck.

Enough Already.

Is it me or has advertising hit rock bottom? Here we are on the verge of a depression, and I can’t turn on the radio or pick up a paper without The Shane Company telling me I “need” a diamond heart pendant. Or better yet, that I’ll “regret” not buying the new Subaru Outback. I realize that corporations are desperate; and that, btw, my job is advertising. But man, our industry is in serious denial. And if we don’t evolve the whole thing might just collapse. In the meantime, here are a few guiding principles we all might want to reconsider:

1. People aren’t idiots.
2. People don’t need more stuff.
3. Honesty is a good thing.

Friday, December 26, 2008

God damn those shaky knees.

Around these parts Christmas ain't over till the fat man sleds. I have no idea what that means, but it's a nice preamble to what I'm about to say. Given that we're currently on holiday, and this is the season of giving, I thought I'd share my favorite song of all time. It's long, slow-to-build and awkward at times. Most of you will probably only watch a few seconds before bouncing onto something more interesting. That's cool. But for those willing to peep the full 8 minutes, a special treat awaits. Holy crap I love this song.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Holidays, from Mutt.

If there’s a more unflattering holiday photo out there, I haven’t seen it. Between my enormous zit and Steve’s lame gangsta lean, Mutt is looking pretty weak right now. But don’t blame the booze. We’re 100% sober in this pic (well, maybe 60%). Anyway, we at Mutt would like to wish you all a wondrous holiday season. To our friends and family, we love you all and miss you madly.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Seeking: Full-time Designer

Mutt is looking for someone to run its studio. A bright, ambitious, slightly warped individual who can design their pants off AND rock all things digital (web design, flash, HTML programming). A master's in Neurophysiology wouldn't hurt. If interested please email us at hello@muttindustries.com

Seeking: Freelance Producer

This position may be less sexy than the Muppet Maker, but it's no less important. The job involves producing a short film (for no more than one week). If interested please email us at hello@muttindustries.com. This opportunity will change your life.

Seeking: Muppet Maker

No, really. We are looking for someone who can build a puppet to be featured in a short film. Said puppet must be fully functional, i.e., it must be able to gargle whiskey and/or touch itself. If, by chance, you've never made a puppet but happen to know someone who has, please email us at hello@muttindustries.com

Can't Nobody Stop Us.

Nobody bullies Mutt. Just ask yesterday's blizzard. After being treated like a couple chumps all morning, me and my chariot swung by the local Les Schwab and got "chained up". That's our weapon up there, moments before we sliced the streets of Portland into frosty little onions. It's hard to express how awesome I feel right now. Yo blizzard, what up?

Okay, I lied. My girlfriend bought and hung the chains. Here she is admiring her handiwork. What a bad-ass.

God Help Us.

Mutt, and the rest of Portland, just got smacked in the mouth by a bitchy, spiteful blizzard. That's me trying to dig my $100,000 Rodeo out of a glacier. And yes, that's a spade in my hands. Apparently they don't sell shovels in Portland. As fate would have it, ten minutes after this pic was snapped my chariot and I landed in another drift (and ten minutes later, yet another drift). What followed next wasn't pretty (for my girlfriend or my neighbors). And while it was a regrettable incident, I can tell you that a new swear word was invented--fuckicesnowshit.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Not ready to let it go.

Appreciate all of your digital hugs and kisses last night when I was melting down on the train. Your sympathy felt so good that I'm gonna try and milk it for at least one more day. To prove I'm not over it, here's a clever poster I found online that illustrates how I'm currently feeling. Please send your sympathy to cromer@muttindustries.com.

Humility is Important.

That may well be true. But right now humility sucks. Mutt is currently returning from Seattle via Amtrak, and I’m in the red zone. Honestly, my grandma can walk faster than this frigging iron horse. Throw in cramped seats, drunk seatmates and hair-infested lasagna and let’s just say that Mutt’s about to bite someone. Reality is, we need to get tougher. The days of flying first-class and kicking it in the Grammercy are long gone. Time to suck it up and start representing, like a Mutt. Just wish I didn’t have to start tonight.

I now pronounce you...

It’s official. Mutt and Teague poured out some ink this afternoon and finally tied the knot. That’s me and our badass client, Sarah, sealing the deal. Not sure why my hair looks so bad, but that’s really none of your business. And for the record, I looked better AND was more charismatic than both of my partners today. But I digress. When I retire from Mutt and pen my regionally famous book, “How to Be a Good Client”, I’ll most definitely draw from my experiences with Teague. They are some of the nicest, coolest, smartest cats I’ve ever worked with.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Obama for a Night.

I have a lot of respect for our President elect. Dude is up against it. Recessions, wars, and bailouts—that’s a lot for one man to chew. But I’m not sure he can appreciate what’s going on at Mutt right now. Just finished listening to Mike and Steve call each other on the mat, and let me tell you—if I don’t win Diplomat of Year, something’s wrong. It feels a little weird singing my own praises. But I should get SOMETHING for what just happened an hour ago.

Midnight Oil.

What a great band. Remember that awesome song, Beds Are Burning? Naw, just playing. We hate Midnight Oil. But at the moment we ARE burning the midnight oil, in preparation of our big creative presentation tomorrow. We’re less than 24 hours away and chaos abounds. People can say what they want about advertising, but it’s hard to beat the terror and ecstasy of "the night before". Reminds me of when I took the ACTs, except I feel 100 times more unprepared. Anyway, screw it. We’ve poured our blood and guts into this. And that’s all you can do, in life and/or advertising (which are one in the same…just playing, Part Two).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Better Half.

The beautiful and talented Rachel Mara swung by the den today. She’s been a busy bee of late, preparing for the holiday season and Fall ’09 line. If you haven’t seen Moule recently, swing by and check it out. SMOK-ING hot. Steve and Rachel designed bags, posters, mints, matches, even lip balm around the simple thought, "Love One Another”. It’s refreshingly optimistic AND erotic. Can’t say I’ve ever used those two words in the same sentence.

Get Busy Day.

Thursday is a big day for Mutt. We’re scheduled to give our first creative presentation to Teague (our newest client); and we're working our little paws off today. Btw, Teague is an industrial design company in Seattle, and we think they’re pretty awesome. That’s Wally Teague up there—he wrote the book on industrial design. Last week we got to tour their studios and meet with a few designers. Kind of made what I do look easy and ridiculous. Especially this pimped out 747, courtesy of Teague. Can't say I've ever seen a cooler bird.

Anyway, need to get back to bullying and degrading our staff:

Jelly Jr. and Matt having too much fun (time is $ guys).

And of course Mutt Mate #1, Keegan.

And Mike, on the verge of a big idea.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fisticuffs At Yoga.

One of the most popular questions we get from our three fans is, “What does Mutt like to do on the weekends?” Glad to answer that one. This past Friday the little lady and I met Ulysses and his lovely wife for dinner. On paper, that sounds like a pretty good time. But it’s never that easy with Ulysses. On this particular night, the ladies were digging what I was saying. And Ulysses got jealous. Decided he'd had enough, so he ordered up a round of White Russians (knowing I was drinking whiskey) and then played dumb as the cream, vodka and bourbon exploded in my lower duodenum. Not surprisingly, the night ended immediately. And Ulysses played possum the whole way home. But it didn't end there. Cut to this morning at yoga, where I’m trying to sew my tattered organs back together. And five minutes into class, who knocks at the back of my throat but the White Russians and Sour Mash boys, rip roaring mad and hell bent on busting out of my belly. So yeah, that's what Mutt did this weekend.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Go Wieden!!!

Congrats are in order for all our pals at Wieden. They just won the Levi's account yesterday. And whupped some bad ass agencies in the process. Really looking forward to seeing the work. I hear it's awesome. Btw, that guy in the chair sure is handsome.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Mutt Gets Smarter, Cooler, Better.

World, meet Paige Thomas—Mutt's first and arguably most important addition to the pack. True to the Mutt family, Paige is a cagey cocktail of creative smarts. Part architect, part therapist, Paige is currently responsible for keeping the Mutt laboratory from imploding. Pretty impressive stuff from a recent graduate of Kindergarten. Mutt is so very grateful for Paige, and geeked about the future that awaits us. Vayase Paige!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Anybody know this guy?

Forgive our impulse to lash out when things don’t go our way. But an interloper named Ulysses has been slinking around our site, flapping his gums about our name and messing for trouble. To our intensely loyal audience, I’ll say this—Mutt respects any and all comments, as long as they’re super complimentary. But if you wanna play it like Ulysses, and sling mud behind some pretentious digital alias, then prepare for the worst. Mutt bites. And more importantly, Mutt has access to the most proprietary Google technology.

Butt cracks and beer cans

When I was first invited to Mutt's international headquarters, I fully expected to find a dogpile of whiskers, cigarette butts, sharpies, and empty beer cans filled with elaborate dreams shoved into a tiny little closet studio; the coordinates a shady under-the-bridge location. Three aging, yet handsome and fashionable hipsters trying to figure out which hole in the side of the computer will accommodate the USB cord.

"So it's not true. You guys DO know how to use computers," I joked, reporting all the mud slung at their backs lovingly and good naturedly when they announced they'd be setting up shop together.

But friends and fans and other Muttnicks, I'm proud to report there is actual work happening here.

There's laughing and thinking and writing things on pages taped to walls waiting to be filled with the scribbles of a late-night epiphany or nine. The sound system is an effective work ethic metabolism booster and all of the parts of the machine seem to be nicely oiled and operating as expected.

What's left of the sun is descending below the horizon line, and there is still work to be done, so there is still work being done. Three principals, two assistants to the principals. And it's nice. It's refreshing and inspirational and gives me hope that one day when I'm olderish and skinny and can afford $275 manjeans and have a couple of decades worth of pencils and lions and effies and campaigns and awards to display in my 9000 sq ft studio window, that I might just have the balls to open my own little something or other. But for now I'm enjoying the view from the neuvo man cavern. An indie ad agency of very capable proportions, as it turns out.

Paul Bunyan Visits Mutt.

Lee Davis is a big man with a big attitude. At W+K, Lee was our Account Man on Miller, Coke and Heineken. A natural born leader, Lee often tried to boss us around and "play dad”. In retrospect, we know Lee was only trying to push us. But the wounds are still fresh, and to be honest today’s lunch was a bit awkward. We love Lee, but we’d appreciate an apology before this relationship goes any further.


Times are tough. The economy’s in the crapper. My potbelly is starting to blot out my toes. And now I gotta deal with this. That’s Luker “taking a knee”, btw. He’s pretending to water the plants. But it’s really just a ploy for attention. And to be honest, it’s getting old. Anybody got any advice?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Julia Childs + Trannie = Dinner

God I love the Internet. It's my best friend in the god damn world. Was going to share one of my favorite quotes from Julia Childs, so I went searching for a pic but instead stumbled across this gem. It's yummy.

Now imagine pink donkeys romping in a dewy meadow. See it? Okay, you've officially returned to your safe place. On with the quote:

"Use all your senses, all the time. Take pains with the work; do it carefully. Relish the details. Enjoy your hunger. And remember why you're there."

Mutt Gets Serious.

Debating the merits of opening an office in Dubai sure is fun. But sometimes you gotta roll up the sleeves and get busy. Like last week, when Sir Mark McNeely (our first client) paid a visit to the Mutt den. We aren't at liberty to divulge the nature of his business. But rest assured we're working our paws off to make something special for Mark. He's on to something big, and we're pumped to be at his side.

Mark ready to whup some Mutt ass.

Mark starting to warm up.

Mark in love.

Mutt letting off some steam.

Comcast 1. Mutt 0.

When Mutt signed up with Comcast, we didn’t realize we’d be entering into a mind-numbing war of attrition. Daily breakdowns in technology make me want to flee to a cave. Or better yet, go ape shit on Comcast. As I write this, cable/phone/internet are playing nice, acting as if the last three weeks never happened. But I know as soon as the wind shifts tomorrow morning, they’re all gonna rise up and shred my nervous system.

Jelly's Belly

Jelly Helm is one of our dearest friends in Portland. But don’t let that sweet pic fool you. Jelly’ll kick your teeth in quicker than you can say, "Kentucky". We worked with Jelly at W+K. And he’s one of the most inspiring cats in the biz. Check out his blog and listen up. Dude can tell a story.

Mutt Mate #2

That's Chris Rhodes up there. He just made our desks and bookshelves. And he’s buena gente. That means “good people” in another language. Here are four reasons why Chris Rhodes rocks the bells:

He’s on the professional pinball tour.
He loves beer the way a bear loves honey.
He doesn’t take grief from NO BODY.
His real name is Rhodesy.

Here is our homage to Chris’s latest creation:

Originally uploaded by monathedog

Here comes Santa Claus...

We just came across a gift that is potentially game-changing. Let me set the stage. You're chilling on the couch, trying to get in some hard-earned reading or cuddling. And your crib is downright glacial. What do you do? Wait for the heater to fire up, pull out your tattered quilt? No. You buy the Snuggie, and you get busy living.

The Joy of Smoking.

We hate fools who try to act as arbiters of good taste. But sometimes you come across something so bad-ass that you just can't help but share it with your mates. Like this short film from William Eggleston. It's probably one of the most peaceful moments ever captured on film.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Mutt Mate #1

Our neighborhood is populated with a bunch of creative freaks. Gritty, unassuming craftsmen who geek out on their trade the way I used to geek out on Tecmo Bowl. As luck would have it, Keegan Wenkman & Katy Meegan are our neighbors. They run a letterpress across the street. And they've been helping us craft Mutt's identity.

Some white-hot biz cards they're printing (designed by Master Luker).

Keegan & Meegan at work.

Mutt? Like a dog?

Coming up with a name for your new business ain't easy. Some names make you sound like a precious ass, whereas others are as forgettable as your accountant. We like Mutt because it describes us (small but scrappy) and because it reflects what we hope to become (the antithesis of a “purebred” agency). Plus it's easy to rip on. Check out some of these self-important duds we once considered (most of which were penned by Luker).

Wtf are we doing?

We’re in the throes of writing a business plan. And the coolest question we’ve come across thus far is, “Why did you start your company?” Here is our response.


We are Mutt, a new world ad agency in Portland, OR. We just hung a shingle in December and this blog, for better or worse, is our story.