Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Skylab Shoot

Our Skylab project has gone through quite a few changes over the course of the summer. But today we finished our second day of the photo shoot for some web content and it is looking pretty rad, if I may say so.

I know I'd like to live in a place like that. It's huge too, over 3000 square feet. And completely customizable. I'll keep you updated on the progress of this project, and when we get the website built, you'll be the second to see it (Jeff obviously get's first dibs).

Monday, September 28, 2009

We've Got a Studio!

We're making some upgrades here at Mutt. Last Friday when we had our little toy shopping spree we also went down to Pro Photo in NW to get some gear for the Skylab photo shoot. The smooth tongued salesman at the counter convinced Mike to get a three-piece set of used soft lights. So with the addition (today) of a 36 x 9 foot white background, we're nearly a full-on studio.

This is a far cry from the old days of Mutt's Studio:

Friday, September 25, 2009

Beep Beep Baby

There are certain people in the world that love trains. Our man DB is one of them, so much so that when we visited the local hobby shop he finagled a private viewing of the owners personal train set for himself, me and mike.

This was frankly one of the most bizarre and uncomfortable situations I've ever been in. We were taken into the basement of the hobby shop, beyond a locked door into a giant room of a train set. It filled the basement wall to wall with a hobby I never quite understood. I'm not so much in to the analog Sim City 3000.

And we stayed there for at least thirty minutes while the this guy ranted about his family's train set-up.

Apparently on Saturday's the old boys (his pop and his friends) make their way down to "do work (but really they just come to run the set)" as Billy here explained. He pointed to about five seats in the middle of the train set and told us they sat there and watched while he ran the store upstairs. And in a bin next to the chairs were not beer bottles, or even a bong as one might expect, instead is was teaming with empty coke cans. One of the Saturdays you'll have to join me for one of their ragers.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

W is for Wenis

It's not everyday that I get to drop some knowledge on the boys here at Mutt, after all, I'm only 22 (tall, athletic and available, wink wink).

But today I had the privilege to share a word I learned at school: Wenis, or, the skin on your elbow. Technically it's not a real word (says webster) but it has an urban dictionary page, so we'll count it.

Now, here's a picture of the Mutt Wenis's. Can you guess whose is whose?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I am Immune (the working title)

Sorry folks, no fresh news on the porno front. But I've got some exciting content on the hamster front. I'm sure you remember a few posts about my frantic hamster hunt. Well, here's how that story finished: I did buy a hamster and I gave it the time of its life.

See there? If I had given you a proper pause (impossible via the blog) you might suspect the little guy died during filming. But fear not! No hamsters were harmed during filming. Instead, little Luker got a chance to explore the streets of Southeast Portland.

My feet (and entire body) made a special appearance a few times.

That hamster is going to have stories to tell to it's little grandkids. He'll speak of the giants from Mutt who taught him how to be a baller.

I'm too clever.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Jumping Crocodiles

I'm a man of my word.

I'd like to tell you about the low-budget porno being shot outside our office doors, but I made a promise to tell you about jumping crocodiles today.

In 2007 I was fed up with the Northwest, the direction of my life and heaps of other things, so I made a break for it. I traded in the University of Oregon in Eugene for Latrobe University in Melbourne, Australia. But it wasn't really about the studying, in fact, my schedule was breezy so I had lots of free time on my hands. Most of it was spent exploring the city (Melbourne, pronounced Mellben, no 'r' please, is the best city I've ever been to) but every so often I had a week or two off and I took a big trip. One of the trips was up to Cairns and Darwin, two tropical paradises up on the northern coast.

In Darwin I went to Kakadu National Forest, swam under waterfalls and saw some jumping crocodiles. Check it out.

These things were enormous, like 15 feet long....

Of course they didn't jump on their own. The boat driver was dangling giant chunks of chicken over the side to get him to...

It was a pretty rad trip. I'll save the rest of my Australian stories for another time. And worry not, the filming outside is going to continue tomorrow, so when they wrap it up (I hope they have been. ZING!) I'll write a post, hopefully with some images.

Monday, September 21, 2009


This isn't the epic Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman movie you most likely haven't seen yet, this is real Australia.

I don't know if you've ever seen a Kangaroo in the wild, but you're about to. I took this little clip while I was in Tasmania. Yes, I said Tasmania, you may have heard of it. It's famous for this guy. I went on a little hike that covered about a third of the entire island and I saw tons of Kangaroos.

Here's one eating a leaf.

Here's a kangaroo that was chilling at the top of a mountain.

And then it ran away and jumped over whatever it is you'd call that body of water. Stream. Swamp. Lake. I don't know.

Well that was informative. Next time I'll show you jumping crocodiles.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Holy Cretaceous Period Batman

This week is now just about over and boy has it been a real doozy...

First, P-Swayze, original OG, died earlier this week. This whole summer has been a giant death-fest for celebrities (something like 12 have died since June).

So Long Swayze.

Next we had the big Grand Slam fiascoes. First, number one seeded Federa lost to sixth seeded Juan Martin del Potro (that's a lot of names). As if the upset wasn't enough, Serena Williams went aggro and nearly shoved a ball down a little asian woman's throat. The poor woman nearly wet herself and went off to tell the suits about the incident, which ended up costing Serena the match point. Something has been eating away at athletes recently, turning them into vocal haters. Maybe it's the new G....

And speaking of haters, all anyone talked about for three days (a few more now, thanks to me) was Kanye West's interruption at the VMAs. This isn't the real footage, but it kills two birds with one stone. Obviously Obama's address wasn't technically this week, but still, it's close enough and it's way funnier this way.

Finally, and maybe the most exciting news, in my own personal opinion is the discovery of the miniRex or whatever they're going to call it. Look at this thing (it's the little one that looks like a raptor, but really is a mini version of the behemoth above it).

It's like a baby T-Rex. I was a pretty massive Jurassic Park fan so I'm eagerly anticipating a goldbloom comback (thank goodness his death rumors were fake) in the form of Jurrasic Park 6, or something, featuring the new dinosaur on the block.

I've got something else to add. This week was huge for me on a personal level for one reason. It's called Mad Men and I'm officially caught up. It's infectious and while it doesn't really fit with my experiences in advertising, I'm working very hard to make it. Now I'll have to join Cromer and Luker outside for smoke breaks and start bringing in fifths of rye in each week. Plus I'll need a suit. What's a good tailor in town?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

LA Living

Half of our office has an iPhone: Nick, Steve and Mike. The rest of us are a little behind on our trendy phone purchases but one day we'll catch up.

One of the nice things about iPhones are the photos they take. Unlike my little Samsung, these guys are taking legit photographs. Here's what Luker has to show for himself over this past week:

That photo might not make sense to you, but I'll shed some light. Misses Luker, or Rachel Mara as she's known in the fashion world, had a photo-shoot for her latest collection. For this season's collection she gathered a lot of inspiration from a film called "Zabreiski Point". So when Rafael Astorga was shooting Rachel's threads they projected scenes from the film onto the clothing. I got a chance to visit the shoot and it looks sweet. Keep an eye out for them.

To be honest, I have no idea what's going on here. It looks like a man playing his guitar on a green screen. Notice how perceptive i am- very accurate description there...

Never Say Never (Again)

I learned that one from Mr. James Bond. One of these days we'll have to have a discussion about the best Bonds, but for now I want to say, "HA! I DID IT!"

Number six from yesterday's list is irrelevant today. Let me show you why:

While it may not be 3D it is a definitely a car. I've gone ahead and given myself a pat on the back, feel free to stop by and tell me how amazing it is.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

This is pretty much what the past two days have felt like...

Things I've learned:

1. Shooting video is hard.
2. It doesn't work how I think it does.
3. Simple ideas get complicated really quickly.
4. Plan way ahead.
5. Double check everything.
6. Making balloon animal cars is nearly impossible.
7. Get a tripod.
8. Don't buy $30 worth of bouncy balls unless you're positive you're going to use them.
9. Make friends with hamster owners.
10. Call the store before you go and make sure they have what you want.


My request was ridiculously simple, "I'm looking to film a hamster in an exercise ball, who has one?" I posted this little message to facebook, twitter, I called and emailed everyone I knew, I even went around my entire neighborhood asking people and still I came up empty-handed.

I don't know if I was disillusioned into thinking it was a fairly common family pet, but I find it hard to believe they've fallen off the face of the earth. Everyone had a hamster when I was little, or so it seemed.

Now I'm stuck going to the pet store to buy one. With that said, is anyone in the market for becoming the owner of a cute and cuddly brand new hamster? You'd not only be getting a hamster, but a wheel and probably a cage or some housing of some sort. Please call Mutt for inquiries.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Metro Steve

Steve is a well dressed man, although, he can't quite take credit for it. Rachel, his wife and local fashion designer, is behind every one of Steve's looks. When asked when the last time he dressed himself, Steve said, "Um.....That was another lifetime."

The point here is this: Rachel likes to make Steve look good. And Steve likes to look good for Rachel. So he may occasionally partake in some metro activities like manicures, pedicures and facials. But, as he's a partner in a start-up company, times are a bit tough and he's looking to save cash whenever possible. So, he's devised a simple, yet I think effective solution to the facial. It's pictured below.

Now you see, in a bowl mix one part witch hazel, one part extra virgin olive oil and one part oatmeal. Stir thoroughly. Then apply a thin layer of the mixture to the back of a wall cling. Ta Da! Something Luker didn't seem to consider was a breathing hole...

Monday, September 14, 2009

My Posts Be Sweet Like Honey

I've been told my last few posts have been too long. Excuse me for trying to tell a story, I'll try to keep it short and sweet this time.

I was surfing the Interweb looking for a hamster I could rent for a few hours, when I was interrupted by my personal chef Jean-Paul, wondering when I'd be in for the evening's feast. I told him it would probably be an earlier night, and he could expect me around six.

He then passed the phone over to my butler Astor who told me my image from this month's Vanity Fair was in. So ladies and gents, I'd love to give you a sneak preview.

The title will go something like, "Z is for Zeal, Zen and Zavertnik." I wore my Navy Blues to add a bit of class- I'm no slob.

Night folks.

Friday, September 11, 2009


It's been two days since Luck left us and they've sent another update.

That means they're two up on our LA brothers. Which means Scott and Mike haven't been reading the blog. Because I'm sure they wouldn't completely ignore a simple request for updates. There is no way....

So, my two more considerate Mutt compadres would like to share something with you. It's called, "A Sad Story" and it was shot by our photographer Adrian Gault.

Indeed a very sad story, Adrian. It's especially sad since I've never had the privilege to eat any paciugo gelato. My heart weeps. But friends, it gets better. I've got another piece of media for you all to view.

Let me set this one up:

This is half of Luck, the younger portion, and his name is Nick Cline. He's 29 years old and has an irrational fear of miniature things.

It all started back in the fourth grade when he wanted a miniature pony for his end of the school year celebration/birthday party. His parents were gracious and accommodated his wishes, in fact, they one upped them and got him a miniature Pinscher, much like this one, as a present. It began wonderfully and all the kids from Nick's fourth grade class were wetting themselves silly, they were so happy. But things turned sour a few hours into the celebration when Polly, the miniature pony, took a turn for the worse. It just so happens that Polly had been sick for some time and was probably unfit for the excitement of 35 ten year-old kids. But business at Mikes Miniature Pony World was booming and he couldn't get another pony to cover for the party. So, there she was, Polly, sickly as she was, giving Nick and all of his friends rides across the backyard. Nick had the last go before Polly finished for the day, but just as his pony-back ride came to an end, poor Polly collapsed. She had a heart-attack, common among the miniature pony community, and died. To make matters worse, when she fell Polly collapsed directly onto Nick's birthday gift, Marx the miniature pinscher. It was tragic, all the kids began crying and Nick's older sister took full advantage of the situation.


Needless to say, Nick was crushed. Not literally of course, he luckily escaped the fate of his little animal friends. But he was a mess. He cried for weeks and manifested his fears of killing the animals into an overall fear of miniature things. It's called microphobia and it's a serious matter.

So you can imagine how difficult a shoot with gelato and their miniature tasting spoons might be for such a tortured soul. Just look at how he took it.

It could be that he hasn't told anyone else about the incident with Polly, or he did and they took full advantage of it. We'll have to ask Big Bear McLuker for further details on the crisis in Dallas.

Hope you all have a swell weekend. I'll see you Monday.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Well, I promised you today we'd talk about vegetables...

I'm vegetarian, so I spent most of this evening writing a gigantic post with information about the benefits and I tried to kill a few of the myths associate with the lifestyle, but I got bored (what a waste of time) and I think you would have been bored reading it. So rather than do that, I'll re-enact a conversation I had a bit ago.

"You're vegetarian?! But Why?!"


"Do you eat fish?"

Fish is meat. I don't eat meat.

"It's just some people eat fish"

And they're not really vegetarians, they're called pescetarian. Anyway, I'm vegetarian for a few reasons. It's healthier, animals and animal farming wastes a lot of resources, and it's pretty unethical. Not to mention I didn't really enjoy meat in the first place.

"But how do you get your protein?"

You're naive. I get plenty of protein. In fact, you probably get too much. Did you know Americans get too much protein in their diets?

"How can you have too much? It's good for you, especially for athletes like me."

Now you're just ignorant. Too much can give you heaps of diseases. Heart disease, cancer and so on. And there's information out there that says you don't need any more protein to build muscle...Actually, you know what? You're an adult, it would do you some good to read a book that's a little more engaging than Twilight. Read this. "Food Revolution: How Your Diet Can Help Save Your Life and Our World." by John Robbins. He was heir to the Baskin-Robbins franchise but gave it up and became vegan and a health-guru. It has everything you want to know.

"I love Twilight. OMG, have you seen the trailer for the second movie?!"


"Anyway, what does the book say?"

Just what I did. It's healthier, you lower your risk of getting tons of diseases by removing meat and dairy. Not only that, when I started out I felt about a thousand times better than when I was eating meat a lots of dairy. You don't feel sluggish, bloated or any of that. Health is probably my number one reason for doing this man. It's all about eating well. Just think, lots of really really good fruits and vegetables and nuts and legumes. Delicious stuff.

"You're weird. I love meat."

Whatever man. Eating dead animals. That's weird.

"Vegetables are alive too. You're chopping down broccoli forests all over the world!"

I'm done.

"No. No. I'm kidding. Ethical I get. I can't say I really care enough to stop eating meat, but I guess you do...The environment thing, I don't get."

Meat wastes a lot of resources, hombre. Do me a favor, read that book, it has everything in it and you can look up the articles he cites if you're so inclined.


"I finally finished that book, it took me forever."

Yeah, but it's good right?

"Very! You were right. Now I'm going to give you hundreds of billions of dollars because I'm one of the wealthiest people in the world. And you've saved my life."



It happened exactly like that, but he never paid up. And he stole my copy of the book....

But you need to read it. You can get it from your public library! Multnomah county has four copies. My library, Washington County, has seven. Chances are yours has plenty.

I've finished my bag of carrots and Daft Punk is nearly over.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009


There are only a few select things that put me in a great mood: Daft Punk, Vegetables, Beards and Hairnets. In fact, the other day when I took my friends (Australian lady friends, mind you) to the Tillamook Cheese Factory I had a bag of carrots in one hand and my iPod in the other. Munching on those carrots in true electronic robot fashion I rolled up to a window bigger than my garage door. And what was behind this window, you ask? Next to a fifty thousand gallon tank of milk was a man with not one, but two hairnets. The first covering a head of long brown locks, the second covering a glorious mane of a beard. I was as happy as clam. Just look how happy this clam is!

I digress, today four of our brethren have left us: Luker and Nick are in Dallas with Paciugo; Cromer and McCommon are off to L.A. with Ford. Luck as I will now call them (get it? Luker + Nick...And it fits with my story) have sent us an update in the form of photos. Feast your eyes.

So, dear readers, I ask you to vote on the best Hairnetted Mutt. Will Nicky Suavez there take the win, or will it be Big Bear MacLuker? Both of whom neglected the beardnet, much to my disappointment.

Mike or Scott, if you're reading this, I'd appreciate something of equal, if not greater, caliber from you two in a days time.

Folks, tomorrow we'll talk vegetables...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Gonna have to interrupt Z's kind and thoughtful musings for a moment. Just found out, via email, that our account guy scheduled a 9 am meeting tomorrow morning. A lot of bad things are storming around my brain right now but I do know this: Dave is either (a) smoking crack again (b) trying to mommy me (c) suffering early onset hepatitis B (d) looking for a new job (e) all of the god darn above. Holy salmon steak. Where is Lee Davis when you need him? I'm so frustrated right now that I'm gonna lay my head down and actually try to make that meeting, just to prove to David B. that I'm a professional and that can't nobody mommy me.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Return of The Mack

Howdy folks,

I’m David Zavertnik and I’ll be taking over for Scott. It appears between practicing his savasana pose and procuring vegetables from his backyard garden he’s a little too busy to contribute to Scotty McLuker. But fear not, I’m here to give it the attention it deserves.

You might be asking yourself, who is David Zavertnik? Why would I bother reading what he has to say? Did Scott adopt a child from Slovenia?

First, I’d like to say I’m incredibly impressed you could guess the origin of my namesake. Second, I’m Mutt’s for-now-just-an-Intern (hint hint fellas). I’ve been working here for just over eight weeks, or about 4,628 hours.

But David, there aren’t even 4,628 hours in eight weeks, what are you talking about? Right again, but I move quickly, so quickly in fact that I’ve been known to slow time.

Now, I’d like to tell you a bit about myself. I’ve told you my name, but left out the middle- it’s Burton.

This is what I look like:

I just graduated from here:

More specifically, I graduated from the School of Journalism and Communication. And I am pretty okay with LaGarette Blount punching the Idaho kid. It was an impressive hook and shouldn’t have anything to do with Oregon the university. If it does, it should make us look like badasses, which we are.

I’m a big fan running. I went to school at the running capital of the world, so it’s to be expected that I picked up a few things, mostly the skills and spirit of Prefontaine. Unfortunately I did so too late so I couldn’t take his title, but believe me, I could have. Speaking of running, Brooks, if you’re reading this, I’d love to work with you. I’ve got some ideas and I think we can put you above Nike.

Alight peeps, I like to keep my relationships interesting, even a bit mysterious, so I think I’ve given you a fair taste for today.

I’d like to leave you with a little tribute to the late great Mutt Blogger Scott Cromer.