Saturday, January 31, 2009

Oldie But a Goodie.

No need for prose...just click and play.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lil Mikey.

Webster’s defines a prodigy as “a highly talented child or youth”. Or in terms of advertising, Mikey McCommon. That’s him up there, laying some lines on the ladies at what looks like his 13th birthday party. It’s still hard to imagine that only four years later, Mike would win his first Gold Lion for the classic What Up Y’all? campaign. Reality is, most creatives work their entire life and never even sniff a Lion. And there’s Mike, blowing up Cannes only months after passing his driver’s test. Not even the great, prodigious, hypertalented Steve Luker can touch that.

I got a squirrel in my roof...

And it's about to lose its life. I know, I know…what an appalling thing to say, especially here in the Pac Northwest. But guess what? I’m not from here, I’m from Ohio…and that squirrel’s about to get jacked. He's been banging around my rafters for over a year. At this point, he knows I can’t get to him so he’s starting to play mind games. Not gonna get into details, because I’ll only get mad. Just know that by the end of this month, that little fucker will be captured, quartered, tried, waterboarded and executed by hand…slowly.

PS...Shuffles and Murphy, I'll be calling soon.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

You Go, Son.

Yesterday was rife with drama. We were meant to drive to Seattle for a creative presentation, but got sidetracked by a supremely annoying snowstorm. I-5 looked like a scene from Speed (the wintertime sequel). And my car never really wanted to leave the driveway. Anyway, upon returning to the den we were greeted by more hardship, in the form of faulty FTP sites and choppy Skype connections. In the midst of this madness, I cozied up to the window for a smoke and observed these two dudes (above) engaged in a daring demonstration of Yankee Ingenuity. In case it's not clear, they're using a forklift to change their tires. Incredible. I realize some of you may be thinking, big f'ing deal. To which I would respond, Whatever. Or better yet, You don't get me. Anyway, to dudes-who-use-a-forklift-to-change-their-tires, we would like to say "thanks". You give us hope.

Monday, January 26, 2009


It’s not easy getting old. But that’s no excuse for some of the shenanigans coming out of San Francisco. That’s our dear friend Roger Camp up there, and he’s in trouble. Call it a midlife crisis or a plea for help, but apparently Roger has been ski-dooing to work. When asked why he simply responded, “Because I make mad money.” I’m all for expensive toys, but this is no time to be rolling through SF like a pimp. Lest he go the way of Bernie Madoff, will someone down there please intervene? Jamie? Anybody?

I'll Make Love to You.

We’re listening to Boyz II Men right now, and it just feels right. End of the Road is as smooth as my down comforter. It pretty much sums up my life—where I’ve been and where I’m trying to go. Steve is smirking at the moment, trying to act as though he’s above it all. Funny thing is, he was 40 when this album came out. So yeah, I get it. Me on the other hand…I was doing the worm and pulling mad females when this song broke.


Tis’ the night before our creative presentation, and not a creature is stirring…not even Steve. If you’ll recall, the last “night-before” Steve sunk a hammer into one of our $10,000 tables. And Mike, well, that’s between us Mutts. It’s nice to see a little professionalism around here. But it’s also pretty god damn boring. Personally, I blame the steady hands of Paige and Christina. If not for these two, I'd be feasting on Mike's lower intestine right now. Then again, a freshly baked creative presentation and bottle of Pinot ain't bad. Thanks Ladies.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Quien es Mamacita?

There has been quite a stir about our newest follower, Mamacita. Where did she come from? Is she bankrolling Mutt? Is she currently in a relationship? The short answer is, she’s my mom and she’s pretty awesome. That’s her up there holding my niece. Lots of folks say I look just like her. While I’m honored by the compliment (after all, she’s a beautiful woman), it kind of creeps me out to be told I look like my mom. So let’s stop talking about it. Anyway, my mom has become something of a spiritual leader for Mutt. Someone we can turn to for advice, guidance, support (basically, anything but money). Someone who is utterly confused by this blog and thinks we should start getting some real work done. We love ya Ma, and look forward to the day where we can buy you that pink Cadillac you’ve always wanted.

Preschool with Smoke Breaks?

In the midst of a vicious fight yesterday, it occurred to me that Mutt is still in Kindergarten. Steve was pouting and not following directions, Mike was in a corner babbling incoherently and I was raging around the room threatening to knock over someone’s castle. Fast forward to this morning and I have to say…last night was awesome. Don’t get me wrong—some blood was spilled on the playground yesterday, and there will probably be a few scars. But that’s in the past, and I know when the bus drops me off at school today my pals will be happy to see me and we’ll have the best god damn day of our lives.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Ever hear the one about the Extreme Nurse?

Holy bear crap, creating a website takes time (insert arrogant scoff from digital “expert” here). It’s the same old culprits—us wanting to show too much work, us being obsessive-compulsive, Steve throwing unnecessary tantrums. But screw it—we’re having fun and we want it to be cool. For those of you who are starting to fret*, just imagine how awesome it’s going to be in two weeks when you're dipping and diving around our site like a digital Jacques Cousteau. Oh, and btw…I realize the Extreme Nurse headline has nothing to do with this piece. That’s because I’ve created what we in advertising call a “teaser”…an intentionally ambiguous nugget from our website that, without context, makes you pee yourself with excitement.

*Hi mom.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What a day.

It’s hard to articulate how we’re feeling right now because, well, a blog isn’t the most personal venue. Maybe we can cozy up to the bar this weekend and gush about the euphoria of today’s inauguration. In the meantime, I can’t stop thinking about Roots. Not sure if you've seen this classic, but I can tell you that growing up in rural Ohio, it had a huge impact on me. At this stage in my life, the details are a bit fuzzy. But I do remember feeling, night after night, an overwhelming sense of sadness at the savagery that was unleashed on Kunta Kinte and his kin. Looking back, it was probably my first taste of evil…and I didn’t like it one bit. Which brings us to today, where I quite literally couldn’t watch a minute of the inauguration without tearing up. Mostly they were tears of joy, for Obama and his family and our country. But in some odd way, they were also tears of redemption, born out of a euphoric feeling that, thirty years later, my heroes from Roots had finally prevailed.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A View from the Mountaintop.

In terms of historical significance, it's hard to top MLK’s I Have a Dream speech. But peep the attached video, delivered the night before the reverend was assassinated in Memphis. And consider what’s about to happen on Tuesday, as well as the incredible sacrifice Dr. King made for his people and his country. Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty WE are free at last.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Mutt's New Account Guy?

So we received an intriguing resume yesterday from a guy who used to coach college football. He’s looking to get into advertising, and he heard through a friend that we might be fixing to hire an account guy. I know many of you have been wondering the same thing, so I thought I’d share a clip of his video resume (below) and get your take. Not sure about his background, but I like his intensity. Think he’d be good with Mike and Steve—they can get a little sleepy at times.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

He Hate Me.

Had a rough one last night. Saw a couple stupid TV ads that threw me into a deep depression. And the whole experience got me hating on advertising (and how embarrassingly bad it has become). But then I remembered my mom's advice. That when you’re hurting, it’s wise to make a list...about the things that upset you as well as how you intend to change them. So far I’ve only completed the “hatred list”. I’ll get back to you when I have some solutions.

Yes please.

Swung by the House of Spirits this week and met with three of the finest artisans in Portland. As someone who knows a thing or two about spirits*, these boys have it dialed in. They’re best known for their Aviation Gin and Medoyeff Vodka, but House of Spirits also offers an apothecary line. Check out these beautiful bottles of Ouzo and Rum. Love, love the design. A new whiskey is on the way, and holy crap it’s good. Next time you’re in a bar, which for me will be in about six hours, order up a House spirit. It will make you happy.

*The drinking, not making of.

What up White Snake?

We aren’t on tour at the moment. But goddamn if we don’t have a poster. Check it...another masterpiece from Keegan. Consider this a teaser to the Masters of Mutt World Tour ’09. Speaking of which, someone recently asked me why a new advertising agency needs a poster. I know, stupid question. I smiled wryly, looked that son-of-a-bitch in the eye and said, “Because every rock star needs a poster.” Next question?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jerk...I mean good job!

That’s Maggie Entwistle up there, and I’m writing to con, con, congratulate her on winning our fantasy football league. As the Commish and two-time defending champion, it’s my duty to be professional. But to be honest, I’m struggling. Only a month ago Maggie was nearly banished from the league for cheating. Though she was eventually exonerated, the whole fiasco left a bad taste in my mouth. A day-old tuna sandwich bad taste. But as a Mutt of his word, I must honor Maggie’s sordid march to the top. Kudos Mags, 2009 Fantasy Football Championa.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Let the Funske Begin.

Mark Fenske is a good man. A true-blue Mutt mate. We don’t want to gush on him, because he’ll get angry and start tearing our work to shreds. But we will use this opportunity to officially invite Mark to our grand opening. Truth be told, we three Mutts would be strays if not for the influence of Mr. Fenske. We know you’re a busy man Mark, but we would be honored by your presence on February 14th.

Do I know you?

It might not be apparent from our blog, but we ARE doing real work over here. Between Teague, mining new business and finishing our site, we’ve been busy little Mutts today. Thankfully, the band is finally back together, tanned, rested and looking great. I lost a few pounds, but don’t look nearly as good as the rest of the Mutts. Not sure if it’s the Dog Patch or her new soy diet, but Mona has been turning a few eyes this week. Her coat is beaming like a full moon. And her various issues seem to be a thing of the past. All I can say is, if I were a dog…

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dave Luhr, Recession Proof.

So last week we tried to poke a little fun at Dave’s new VC company, Living Large Luhr. And apparently it backfired. Per Dave’s request, I would like everyone at Wieden to know that Dave did not ask for majority ownership (only 49%). And contrary to the rumors, Mutt picked up the tab (not Dave). Yes, a few harsh words were exchanged. Like when Dave roared, “Luker, you couldn’t design your way out of a bag” (apparently Dave hasn’t seen Steve’s holiday work on Moule). But really, it’s all water under the Morrison Bridge. We just hope Dave enjoyed his Kobe salad.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Welcome to the Jungle Baby.

I love our office. It’s gritty, it’s spacious and when the afternoon sun busts through the clouds, it’s downright beautiful. But we have one significant problem at the moment: feces. For those who don't speak Latin, feces is a fancy word for “poo”. No, I’m not trying to be funny. At least 2 out of 5 days a week, there is fresh human excrement within 15 feet of our front door. I’m not sure if it’s one of my ex-girlfriends or an angry client from my Wieden days, but it needs to stop. I’m sorry I wronged you. Jesus, get over it already.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Thanks But No Thanks.

Dave Luhr is a good friend of ours. And a very wealthy man. So wealthy that he wants to invest his sizable booty in Mutt. We met today to discuss Living Large Luhr (L3), Dave's new VC company here in Portland. Unfortunately, things didn’t go so well. While we respect Dave’s business acumen, his demands were a bit outlandish. Call us crazy, but we’re just not prepared to give Dave final say over our creative product. We wish Living Large the best of luck. And pray that Dave’s aching back heals quickly.

Dave, prior to lunch.

Dave, reacting to the bad news.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Quick, open a window.

So we had an unexpected visitor today. His name is Reality, and he’s not very nice. I was doing my pie-in-the-sky thing with Steve this morning, giddy that we were together again slaying windmills. And then Reality burst into the room, and started grilling us about money and how we were going to attract new clients. My first reaction was to tell Reality to chill out. “I got it tough guy, don’t worry”, I said. Then I quickly discovered I don’t know shit, and I suddenly felt as though Fenske was lying on top of me. Welcome to the emotional roller coaster that is Mutt. Holy crap this is going to be hard. Now excuse me while I consult with my therapist.

Return of Ra.

I’m trying real hard to be nice in 2009. But sometimes it’s not easy. Like this morning when my partner, Sun God Luker, shuffled into the office sporting this ridiculous tan. I was in the middle of some serious concepting (of course) when Steve launched into several Moby Dick-length stories about his trip to Acapulco. Apparently Steve never got the memo that Mutt was going to stay open over the holiday. I listened respectfully to his stories about the cheap “cerveza fria”, then calmly explained that my holiday consisted of chains, egg salad and advertising emergencies. To which he responded, “Well, menos tias anyways”. Uh, that’s buenos dias Steve.

Monday, January 5, 2009

We Miss You Already.

Kate and Kofi, the beautiful couple above, left yesterday for Paris and, eventually, Ghana. Kofi recently accepted a job as the Managing Director of the Publicis Accra office. Jerk. Still can’t believe he’s bailing on us. But I digress. Mutt would like to wish Kate and Kofi the best of luck. Don’t be surprised if these two aren’t running the country in a couple years—they’re that talented.


Listen up cause I have some good news. Some of you may have heard of the phenomenon, Golden Year. That’s astrology speak for, your ship has come in. Now here’s the deal—I’m an Aquarius and 2009 is my Golden Year. Which means that, for the next 12 months a lot of awesome shit is gonna happen to Mutt. Now you can hate and stomp your feet at our good fortune. But that’s just the way it is. And besides, chill out…you’ll get your turn. Here’s a little taste of what awaits Mutt:

Okay, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. But seriously, here’s what the professionals have to say. My favorite part is, you will have support from VIPs. Dan and Dave, are you listening?

Ya'll Ready for This?

Our much anticipated “opening” is only 40 days away. For those of you keeping score that’s February 14th, a.k.a Valentine’s Day. The plan is to invite our dearest friends to the Mutt den and party our fury heads off. Some of you may be wondering, Wait, aren’t you already open for business? Well, it’s not that simple. Anticipating we’d be busy as hell in the early days, we (wisely) decided to work with no more than two clients. But now that we’ve got our proverbial shit together, we’re ready to dance with multiple partners. Who that is remains to be seen (which is exciting and terrifying as hell).

2009 is off to a great start (kind of)

After ten days of sobriety and a steady diet of yoga and egg salad, I feel amazing. Just this morning I was able to bounce up a flight of stairs without blacking out and/or seeing stars. I also feel less hostile, and oddly calm. That being said, I’m bored out of my mind. If I continue on this course, my soul is going to evaporate (and reincarnate as a whiskey tumbler). A life without sin, I’m learning, is probably not worth living. No, that's not a suicide threat. It’s simply an urgent request for a slice of pizza and a Camel Light. Thank you.