Friday, July 2, 2010

America + Mutt = Winners

I realize there’s a lot going on in this picture. And that it’s quite ugly. If Luker saw this picture his teeth would fall out. But Luker’s not here right now....I am. And I want to talk about America.

As some of you know, America has been around a lot longer than Mutt. It’s seen several wars, made mad money and basically dominated the world.

On the other hand, Mutt has yet to fight a war, is still trying to figure out how to make money and, well, the last point goes without saying.

Curiously, this is pretty much where the differences end.

Allow me to explain.

If this were a court of law, I would submit to you (the jury) our business plan from 2008, which strangely resembles the document Tommy Jefferson penned thousands of years ago. I say strange because I’ve never read the Declaration of Independence (except when I worked on Mello Yello) nor have I ever written anything that sounds like an 18th century dandy.

But the proof is irrefutable. Our document, which was originally penned in PowerPoint, looks, sounds and reads like a latter day Declaration of Independence. And the layout is ten times cooler (thanks Nick).

Something else to consider: even though we’re only 18 months old our company has unwittingly written, followed and broken virtually every Amendment to the Constitution.

Perhaps the most stunning parallel is the 18th Amendment. Like America, we once banned the manufacture, sale and transportation of intoxicating liquors. And like the 21st Amendment, we repealed that rule immediately and now openly mock it and the legislator (Steve) who wrote it.

So on this Fourth, when you’re jamming hot dogs and corncobs down your throat, please stop for a moment and consider the awesomeness that is America. And if you’ve had a few cocktails, maybe think a few seconds about the bizarre and seemingly inexplicable parallels I’ve just illustrated here.

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