Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Swine Flu Sounds Bad.
I don’t know much about pandemics or influenzas. But I know pigs. And I’m here to tell you, if they weren't so damn tasty pigs would easily be the most vile animal on the planet. Two things you should consider while waiting for your Egg McMuffin: (1) pigs eat everything that crosses their path, from hairbrushes to feces to condoms. I know this from personal experience; (2) pigs carry fungi on their skin that’s so large it must be hacked off with a baseball bat; (3) pigs once ate the face off a farmer in my hometown after he collapsed in the pen from a massive heart attack. Good lord, I have to stop. I’m starting to get a fever.