Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Swine Flu Sounds Bad.

I don’t know much about pandemics or influenzas. But I know pigs. And I’m here to tell you, if they weren't so damn tasty pigs would easily be the most vile animal on the planet. Two things you should consider while waiting for your Egg McMuffin: (1) pigs eat everything that crosses their path, from hairbrushes to feces to condoms. I know this from personal experience; (2) pigs carry fungi on their skin that’s so large it must be hacked off with a baseball bat; (3) pigs once ate the face off a farmer in my hometown after he collapsed in the pen from a massive heart attack. Good lord, I have to stop. I’m starting to get a fever.


Anonymous said...

Scotty, i too recall that disturbing tale of those evil bovines defiling that farmers corpse. pigs also asassinated Chuck, locally of Chuck's Pork Burger fame. I learned that pigs were sinister from reading Animal Farm, and when the meaning of Pink Floyd's Animals LP was revealed while meditating in Art Slichter's basement. important life lessons, all. also a neat fact for you: Billy Mays has cloven hooves

Mutt said...

well said EP...that was a sad day for the tristate area, as i'm sure you recall. Chuck was a good man, and he made a delicious pork burger. remember his yummy Chucken fries? and no, i didn't know that about Billy Mays.