I don’t exactly treat my body like a temple. But let me just break down the last two weeks: nine 90-minute sessions of yoga, virtually no alcohol, yogurt for breakfast, tomato juice in the afternoon and no sweets. The result? A five-pound weight gain. Fantastic. Now either my metabolism is broken or I’ve become Benjamin Button, and my muscle is starting to morph into baby fat. Frankly, I’ve seen enough. And I’m tired of reading and hearing about things like patience, discipline and focus. If I don’t get some results fast, I’m gonna sue the pants off Bikram Yoga (and his wife).